Hopefully

Some people plan their lives quite generally, some people plan their lives meticulously, and of course there are some people like me who don’t plan and just go with the flow. Have you ever heard, ‘if you fail to plan, you plan to fail’? It’s true. 

The past 7 years of my life was a disaster. Throughout those years I thought I was gonna be someone someday but to be honest, I didn’t do anything to accomplish that goal. I was so comfortable with everything, thought that everything will be fine with me not doing anything about it. I was bad in Physics during secondary school but decided not to care because I was thinking of taking Biology-based course in Matriculation. Bad news for me, when I got myself in Matric, I had to do two Physics. I failed Physics I and only after I was assigned to a lecturer from Engineering Department, I passed the subject. 

Actually, when I was in my third out of 5 semesters, I consulted the Deputy Dean of Academic Affair whether to stop there and change course to AIKOL (changing to AED wasn't an option as it didn't cross my mind at all) or just stay in BioSc, graduate and go to Kuantan. 

When I was about to enter the degree level, I realized that there were  lots of things I was about to sacrifice at that point of my life. As I grew up in cities, moving to Kuantan was basically the main reason I was so upset. As you can see, surrounding is very important for me. But when I got there, I found that there were lots more things I have to sacrifice and among them were great bookstores. Bookstores matter, believe me.

Anyway, every time I look back, I realize that I’ve been in many crossroads in my life. Boarding school or not, Science stream or religion studies, Engineering or Biological Science, Biomedical Science or Biotechnology... etc. etc. Along the way, I always wonder. What would happen if I chose the other options instead the ones that I took? Would things turn better? Would my life be any better than this? Will I be a better person? But then I realize that life isn’t always about the destination. Of course all of us want great things in our lives. Say one day after graduation, I want to travel all over Europe, which is actually true. So, in this scenario, Europe is the destination. My parents give me some money and let me do the one thing I want to do in my life before I work in the company. But when I got there, standing in front of the Eiffel Tower, I realize on that moment of how easy I got there. Just take a flight and voalla! Here I am! It means, if I happen to travel to Europe one day, with my parents’ money, I won’t be too please about it. Because it’s not something that I earned from hard works and there’s no meaning behind it. But, what if I go there, after doing some freelances or part-time jobs, earned some hard money and take my best friend and go to Europe together as graduation trip? Isn’t it some sort of rewarding? Traveling to Europe is a great thing but it is only great because of my efforts to get there. 
All I’m saying, whatever we want to be in the future, will only be great if we make efforts towards them. Unfortunately I only realize them now as I haven’t paying attention to any of this matter, not until last December. 

Having a great goal doesn’t mean you’re going to achieve it unless you work hard toward it. Of course, by means of God’s willing and pray hard for His bless and everything. 

Life is like climbing a mountain. It’s hard, it’s full of discoveries  along the way. There are times you want to give up but the view is great. It’s worth it. 

Bottom line is, I don’t want to give up my life and I still want to graduate. 
I don’t mind to do all the things from the start. 
I don’t care of what people would think of me.
My parents wanted to enrol me to other university but I refused to do so.
Why?
Because I figured that I can never give up the chance that once given by the government and my of course my parents too, to study hard and eventually graduate from IIUM. 

I also feel like if I don’t rise up and take control of this whole crazy situation now, I can never be myself again.
I’ll stuck in this phase forever. I’ll be a failure for the rest of my life. 
Therefore, I’m asking you to give me a chance for me to start my life all over again. 

As I already abandoned all hopes before, I'm now a different person, with different attitude, mission, visions, and of course I'm giving my all in this matter and I hope you'll guide me along the way and help me find the one true meaning of knowledge and arts of construction.